Hello there.

I just spent about 20 minutes typing a new entry.  But I changed my mind and deleted it before publishing it.

Instead, I will post a dream.  The first dream I ever remembered.  I still remember it today.

I was very young when I had the dream.  I was, maybe in 1st or 2nd grade.  I know that the imagery for the dream came from a Star Trek episode.  Some of you may even know the episode based on the dream.

It happened at the school I went to kindergarten in.  A giant robot...perhaps 10 feet tall...was terrorizing the school.  He was bulky, blocky, with lots of angles, much like the robot toy I had years before.  He was white and had rows and rows of buttons on his left forearm.  I was his minion.  I had a smaller version of his bracelet on my own left wrist.  It was white with a number (less than his) of buttons.  He was moving through the school killing people.  He would find them and then press buttons on his arm and they would drop dead.  Secretly, I would follow behind him and use the bracelet on my wrist (by pushing buttons of course) to bring those people back to life.

That is all I remember of the dream.


Thanks for reading if you actually read it :)

The First Blog

My story (very briefly)

This is a brief outline of my spiritual journey in this life.  I will try to keep it as short as possible.

The story of my spiritual journey begins when I was about 10 years old.  I was raised by Agnostic parents in a largely Atheistic family.  When I was around 10 ( just when I began the long painful journey into puberty) my mother went through a "phase" and got interested in Transcendental Meditation.  I expressed interest and she let me read the book she had.  During the next few years she taught me how to use a pendulum and read Tarot cards…though she saw the cards as merely a game and the pendulum as a manifestation of your subconscious mind.

It was in this time that I first heard the word "God".

I was in 5th grade, sitting in the classroom, when the girl sitting in the desk in front of me turned and asked me if I believed in God.  I was still a fairly honest and authentic child and since I knew nothing about God or religion I quite naturally said "no".

That’s when the hell fire and brimstone flew!  The girl went red in the face and told me how bad I was and how I was going to burn in Hell forever.

Needless to say I was distressed.

I began to accept invitations from friends to attend church with them.  These days I only remember one from this time.

I had been playing violin and piano since I was 5, so when I went to this church and saw a band onstage, I was thrilled.  They played some Christian music, I don't remember what songs, but I did think it was cool…my kind of church, I thought.

Then the preacher got up and started screaming at everybody.  We were all sinners, dammed, going to hell..etc.etc.

Then something happened that scared me badly.  Keep in mind that I had no experience or education in Christianity.  Anyway, a woman suddenly screamed, stood up and started screaming words I could not understand.  I thought she was dying.  Later, of course, I learned that she was speaking in tongues.  Still it scared the daylights out of me.

I did not go back to a church until I was well into my adult years.

After this, I began to meditate on my own.  I was 11 or 12 years old.

I read a book on the Yogi science of breath, and another on the principles of Zen.

I would put music on…Pink Floyd's Dark Side of The Moon , or sometimes a song on Rush's live album called Bytor and the Snow Dog.  I would also put colored bulbs into my light and lamps to get a nice atmosphere.

During this period I was meditating every night.  One night, I was far from my body, I was in a place or state where everything was made of colored fields of light, each of which was aware.  I was communicating with them through feelings and whole ideas when my mother came by and knocked on my door for dinner.  I did not know about preparing myself for interruption and the sound shot me back into my body so painfully that I felt like I had been shot with a shotgun.  I have not successfully astral projected ever since. 

During junior high and high school years, I stopped meditating regularly, but did learn how to conduct others in a guided meditation.  I didn't know what it was called, we just said we were putting each other on trips.

I also began to experiment with artificially induced altered states.  My friend and I would do jumping jacks and pushups until we got our heart rate up.  Then one would stand at the foot of the bed and place his thumbs on his neck until he passed out.  The other would watch to make sure he didn't fall forward.  We would hallucinate and have experiences I would later learn to call "zip outs".

We began to experiment with drugs and alcohol.  And other less typical things, like sniffing gasoline.

Its only by the grace of God that I survived those days.

After high school, when my life was at a low ebb, I became a born again Christian.  This lasted for about three months, the time it took me to research the things they used to convert me with.  Things like "The King James Bible was translated entirely from the Dead Sea Scrolls" and others. This and the fact that they would read a passage and tell me what it meant.  But they were often wrong because they did not know the meaning of several words in the passage and would just guess.  When I told them what the words actually meant, they got hostile so I stopped.

It was after this that my life took its darkest turn.  The drug use and alcohol finally caught up to me and I submitted myself to rehab.  After 40 days in a hospital being torn to shreds by the counselors I was shipped off to Omaha to live in a halfway house.  I spent three months there then moved to a three quarter way house for two months then out into the world in my own apartment.

It was in this time, with the help of the concepts of AA in the Big Book, that I learned to reach out and find God.  AA is not a religious program, but if properly followed, it is a spiritual one.

After two years I was introduced, by a friend in AA, to a system of beliefs called Wicca.  I read several books by Raymond Buckland and decided that I likes the ideas and really liked the magic.  I self initiated and began to practice.

However, soon I became dissatisfied with it.  Not only was I constantly harassed by Christians, Wicca just wasn't giving me a sense of closeness with God nor was is satisfying in the magic department.  Later, much later, I learned to understand the abomination that is dividing God.  You must understand that at this point in my life I knew only three options: Atheist, Christian, Wiccan.  It was later that I learned about other religious systems, and I had no idea that some people considered Zen and Buddhism to be religions.

So, the inevitable downward spiral into dark magic.  With a friend I began to cut myself and offer blood during worship.  I did other things as well.  Nothing really disgusting though, I didn't actually go far down that rabbit hole.  I was having some terrible dreams and experiences though.  My life got steadily worse.  I decided to leave it behind and work back to the light.  But it was very hard at this point.  It took me twice as long to get out as it did to get in.

I discovered a diverse group of people that met every Friday night.  A couple of Catholics, a Jew, a Wiccan Priest and a couple of non-denominational types.  I began to call myself a Metaphysicist for lack of a term to apply to myself.  For two years I worked with this group.  I learned much and healed much, but still did not find a true connection with God.

After my marriage failed, I moved to Las Vegas.  I spent 4 years there, dabbling in odd things, new age stuff, online communities, dark magic, Christianity, and learned, finally, about Islam.  I got a hold of a translation of the Quran and read it.

Still no connection with God other than vain imaginings and ego filters.

Then something happened that changed my life.

I was introduced, eventually, to a man who I will call Victory Myel.  This was after the Holy Spirit had touched him and he introduced me to a name…a name of the most high God…an ancient name, some believe was used by Abraham…a name that finally helped me begin to connect to God and eventually led me to the path of Urianism.

Anu