My story (very briefly)
This is a brief outline of my spiritual journey in this
life. I will try to keep it as short as
possible.
The story of my spiritual journey begins when I was about 10
years old. I was raised by Agnostic
parents in a largely Atheistic family.
When I was around 10 ( just when I began the long painful journey into
puberty) my mother went through a "phase" and got interested in
Transcendental Meditation. I expressed
interest and she let me read the book she had.
During the next few years she taught me how to use a pendulum and read
Tarot cards…though she saw the cards as merely a game and the pendulum as a
manifestation of your subconscious mind.
It was in this time that I first heard the word
"God".
I was in 5th grade, sitting in the classroom, when the girl
sitting in the desk in front of me turned and asked me if I believed in
God. I was still a fairly honest and
authentic child and since I knew nothing about God or religion I quite naturally
said "no".
That’s when the hell fire and brimstone flew! The girl went red in the face and told me
how bad I was and how I was going to burn in Hell forever.
Needless to say I was distressed.
I began to accept invitations from friends to attend church
with them. These days I only remember
one from this time.
I had been playing violin and piano since I was 5, so when I
went to this church and saw a band onstage, I was thrilled. They played some Christian music, I don't
remember what songs, but I did think it was cool…my kind of church, I thought.
Then the preacher got up and started screaming at
everybody. We were all sinners, dammed,
going to hell..etc.etc.
Then something happened that scared me badly. Keep in mind that I had no experience or
education in Christianity. Anyway, a
woman suddenly screamed, stood up and started screaming words I could not
understand. I thought she was
dying. Later, of course, I learned that
she was speaking in tongues. Still it
scared the daylights out of me.
I did not go back to a church until I was well into my adult
years.
After this, I began to meditate on my own. I was 11 or 12 years old.
I read a book on the Yogi science of breath, and another on
the principles of Zen.
I would put music on…Pink Floyd's Dark Side of The Moon , or
sometimes a song on Rush's live album called Bytor and the Snow Dog. I would also put colored bulbs into my light
and lamps to get a nice atmosphere.
During this period I was meditating every night. One night, I was far from my body, I was in
a place or state where everything was made of colored fields of light, each of
which was aware. I was communicating
with them through feelings and whole ideas when my mother came by and knocked
on my door for dinner. I did not know
about preparing myself for interruption and the sound shot me back into my body
so painfully that I felt like I had been shot with a shotgun. I have not successfully astral projected
ever since.
During junior high and high school years, I stopped
meditating regularly, but did learn how to conduct others in a guided
meditation. I didn't know what it was
called, we just said we were putting each other on trips.
I also began to experiment with artificially induced altered
states. My friend and I would do
jumping jacks and pushups until we got our heart rate up. Then one would stand at the foot of the bed
and place his thumbs on his neck until he passed out. The other would watch to make sure he didn't fall forward. We would hallucinate and have experiences I
would later learn to call "zip outs".
We began to experiment with drugs and alcohol. And other less typical things, like sniffing
gasoline.
Its only by the grace of God that I survived those days.
After high school, when my life was at a low ebb, I became a
born again Christian. This lasted for
about three months, the time it took me to research the things they used to
convert me with. Things like "The
King James Bible was translated entirely from the Dead Sea Scrolls" and
others. This and the fact that they would read a passage and tell me what it
meant. But they were often wrong
because they did not know the meaning of several words in the passage and would
just guess. When I told them what the
words actually meant, they got hostile so I stopped.
It was after this that my life took its darkest turn. The drug use and alcohol finally caught up
to me and I submitted myself to rehab.
After 40 days in a hospital being torn to shreds by the counselors I was
shipped off to Omaha to live in a halfway house. I spent three months there then moved to a three quarter way
house for two months then out into the world in my own apartment.
It was in this time, with the help of the concepts of AA in
the Big Book, that I learned to reach out and find God. AA is not a religious program, but if
properly followed, it is a spiritual one.
After two years I was introduced, by a friend in AA, to a
system of beliefs called Wicca. I read
several books by Raymond Buckland and decided that I likes the ideas and really
liked the magic. I self initiated and
began to practice.
However, soon I became dissatisfied with it. Not only was I constantly harassed by
Christians, Wicca just wasn't giving me a sense of closeness with God nor was
is satisfying in the magic department. Later, much later, I learned to understand the abomination that is dividing God. You must understand that at this point in my life I knew only three
options: Atheist, Christian, Wiccan. It
was later that I learned about other religious systems, and I had no idea that
some people considered Zen and Buddhism to be religions.
So, the inevitable downward spiral into dark magic. With a friend I began to cut myself and
offer blood during worship. I did other
things as well. Nothing really
disgusting though, I didn't actually go far down that rabbit hole. I was having some terrible dreams and
experiences though. My life got
steadily worse. I decided to leave it
behind and work back to the light. But
it was very hard at this point. It took
me twice as long to get out as it did to get in.
I discovered a diverse group of people that met every Friday
night. A couple of Catholics, a Jew, a
Wiccan Priest and a couple of non-denominational types. I began to call myself a Metaphysicist for
lack of a term to apply to myself. For
two years I worked with this group. I
learned much and healed much, but still did not find a true connection with
God.
After my marriage failed, I moved to Las Vegas. I spent 4 years there, dabbling in odd
things, new age stuff, online communities, dark magic, Christianity, and
learned, finally, about Islam. I got a
hold of a translation of the Quran and read it.
Still no connection with God other than vain imaginings and
ego filters.
Then something happened that changed my life.
I was introduced, eventually, to a man who I will call
Victory Myel. This was after the Holy
Spirit had touched him and he introduced me to a name…a name of the most high
God…an ancient name, some believe was used by Abraham…a name that finally
helped me begin to connect to God and eventually led me to the path of
Urianism.
Anu
That there....is truly, without a doubt, inspiring.
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